Pods Won't Save America, Probably

 

I'm really sympathetic to the idea that there might have been some quality of "screwed" baked into the Harris campaign when she took over in July, and I was optimistic that the actual policy record of the Biden Administration vs. the actual history of.... uh whatever TrumpWorld is, would dawn on people as being a no-brainer. 

The reason I believed that is because I'm a hardcore Democratic Party schmuck. I've had a party preference since I was 18. The party of Rush Limbaugh and Phyllis Schlafly vs. the party of ::waves hands in the direction of not entire shithead bigots::? 

You've got to be kidding me. 

But here's what I noticed--I truly think that everyone who was going to cross over from the GOP to vote on principle for Harris because Trump was a horrowshow--appeared in a digital ad online some time during the campaign and there wasn't a a goddamn other one. It was great to be appreciative to former Rep. Liz Cheney--but the reason her party did her the way they did is because they could. 

If someone was comfy in the party of Limbaugh and Schlafly, it would take a lot to embrace the actual mess that is the actual Democratic Party., our political figures (Not AOC! Not San Fransisco liberal Nancy Pelosi!), and find themselves on the same side as our base. (You know: welfare queens, flaming homos, childless cat ladies, the Black Panthers and dope-smoking commies--don't look at me like that--you know I love you. But some conservatives were raised to HATE YOUR ASS AND MINE.).

Maybe We Will Just Protect Ourselves

 

I tell this about myself because its true and a little weird, but when I was small, my dad taught me how to hook my fingers up and around an eyeball in its socket--just in case I ever had to. I knew what a xyphoid process was at six years old. I knew where to drive the heel of my hand into a human nose. I was taught that I didn't have the physical strength advantage in life, so I had to have the will. I was taught that you have to walk in awareness. I was taught you watch your drink. I was taught to carry improvised weapons. I was taught to see the world in terms of potential improvised weapons.

I was taught this because some boys never get told what they should never try. Or get told but don't really learn it. (You don't use your knee--it's inexact. You grab them by it. You can squeeze and disrupt a generation of losers. And I never had to do any of that. Not once. Because it's really only a small percentage of men who are actual monsters--most are reasonable and not actual sociopaths. I like men, really. They are interesting enough and some have valuable skills. They care for the people around them and often are smarter than they think they are. It's a confidence issue. When you are told to value muscle over brain, you know.) 

Two Messages to Think About:

 

Trump Abortion Bans have had devastating consequences for women across America.

Donald Trump is the architect of this health care crisis. If elected, he will go even further to ban abortion nationwide and strip away reproductive freedom in all 50 states. pic.twitter.com/eglE7Smdrr

— Kamala Harris (@KamalaHarris) November 1, 2024

VS.

Sorry we want MALE only voting. The 19th might have to go. 👨🏼#JohnMcEntee #McEntee2028 pic.twitter.com/OJzXadROgo

— McEntee 2028 (@JohnMcEntee28) October 28, 2024

I don't know that it gets any starker than that--do I have a right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, or am I the appendage of male society?

If I was not already a Democrat, this stark comparison would be everything I really needed to know. And it is not a joke--it's a vintage concern in the age of Trump. 

I am not going back.  I don't want any woman to feel like she has to accept she has to go back to when we didn't have choices and we didn't have voices. 

 

TWGB: Fox and the Sour Grapes

 

Media needs to play this clip for GOP candidates and say NOW YOU HAVE HEARD IT--and get them to respond. Because he is using people's names. Real damn people. https://t.co/wGtl0QjSpS

— Vixen Strangely (@VixenStrangely) October 16, 2024

What would you call the shade Trump painted himself for this? Terror Cotta? The "enemy within"--which Trump has suggested siccing the military on, includes (Democratic) US Congress members. It probably also includes former GOP US Congress members like Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger. It likely includes certain former White House personnel--his own former White House. IT includes people like Gen. Mark Milley.  And this "enemies list" is not about people who lied about him--oh no. They did something far worse.

They told the truth.  Trump has never been a fan of transparency--even though we can see through him. Russian interference was real and the Trump campaign had multiple Russian contacts, and the perfect phone call wasn't perfect. It was extortionate. 

So, how does Fox News, who was sued by Dominion not so long ago and settled for a really amazing amount of money for lying about the 2020 election, in the person of one Brett Baier, presumed serious interviewer, use this information--that Trump considers various prominent American public servants fair game for being rounded up by the military and punished for being the "enemy within"? 

He whitewashes it to try and make the Democratic 2024 Presidential candidate look like she's being extra. 

No, really. 

TWGB: Resorting to Crimes

 

Former President Donald Trump "resorted to crimes" to attempt to stay in office after losing the 2020 presidential election to Joe Biden, federal prosecutors allege in a newly unsealed court filing released Wednesday.

In the filing submitted by special counsel Jack Smith,… pic.twitter.com/lr2ut8tFn2

— PBS News (@NewsHour) October 2, 2024

You know, it seems like it was just yesterday that current Trump running mate JD Vance was trying to focus on the future instead of discussing whether Trump lost the 2020 election, and I love that for him. Corey Lewandowski was also stuck in the same groove when asked--unable to admit His Nibs lost in 2020. 

Judge Chutkan has done the world a favor by airing out Jack Smith's brief regarding how the Trump Team, with reckless disregard for the truth, democracy, the Constitution, public safety or any other damn thing, resorted to crimes in an attempt to defraud the American people regarding our presidential election. Trump and his people did everything they could to delay his reckoning regarding January 6th, but he can't actually delay people being forewarned and forearmed--he lied about one election, and he is just bound and determined to lie about this one. 

What Trump tried to do in 2020 was election interference. This right here right now, is letting you know what he does and plans to try again. Disenfranchising people in swing states, by fraudulently messing with our votes, is something I take very personally. He says bad things happen in Philadelphia, and I may be a bad thing happening in Philadelphia myself, but I am a very legitimate voter and you DON'T try to throw out my vote without me taking it very personally.  

My feminist foremamas didn't hit picket lines and get forcefed in prison for me to not get pissed when someone tried to first of all steal my vote and then use it to support anti-woman policies like banning abortion, birth control, or any other thing that liberates me and my sisters. And I fucking mean as a White lady to correct the past by supporting the right to vote and the right of having the votes counted of the Black and Brown people Trump (and the Republican party) want to exclude.

The Deaths We Could Have Prevented

 

Vice President Harris: We now know that women have died because of Trump Abortion Bans. That includes a healthy 28-year-old woman in Georgia. Her name was Amber Nicole Thurman. She died of sepsis, and experts have determined that her death was preventable pic.twitter.com/loBJDsbY9Z

— Kamala HQ (@KamalaHQ) September 20, 2024

I have seen on social media how angry some "pro-lifers" are at the idea that abortion care saves lives. You can't EVER terminate a pregnancy--it's MURDER!  These stories that humanize and normalize the procedure that can save women's lives appalls them, because they can't accept that the God they profess to love and believe in would make babies ("before you were in the womb I knew you") with gross congenital defects, tumors, or other difficulties "incompatible with life".

Something else other than the lack of abortion care "must have" killed these women. They took abortion drugs. They were sin-minded. This had to be their own fault. 

It wasn't. 

TWGB: He'll Dance to Anything

 

Wow. This is a new low, even for Trump.

“It Was a Setup,” “Could have been the parents” Trump tries to blame Gold Star families for the Arlington incident
pic.twitter.com/7eO9CZ3tag

— Republicans against Trump (@RpsAgainstTrump) August 31, 2024

Maybe the Gold Star families, who invited him and have signed statements to the effect that they think his being there was cool and totally legal--fucked him over by posting pictures and videos. That's what HE SAID, babies, not me. He tried to suggest the people who were there to back his ass up backed his ass over. So he suggested he didn't know anything about the strategy of his dumb stunt and maybe he was stunted upon. Maybe it was the White House that he was going to claim bailed on a solemn event they totally were clued into.  Kamala Harris called him on it, and now that stunt is supposed to be "he said and she said". 

I'm not here to belittle the Gold Star families because their grief is real and how they feel is real regardless of the facts on the ground. Their loved ones saved people in assisting the evacuation that day and died in a suicide bombing from ISIS-K. Nearly 170 Afghan people also were killed by that blast. The war had been 20 years long. And many servicepeople cycled through that assignment.  They can cast their blame any and everywhere it feels valid. But we all know that serving in the armed services can mean being placed in danger. Their safety was not guaranteed, they guaranteed the safety of others and that was their great sacrifice and why Section 60 is hallowed ground. 

Nothing I can say makes that right. Throughout the war on terror, we have not stopped the tactic of extraordinary violence. The results are appalling and personal. I demur from politicizing it. I have my own ideas about why the withdrawal sucked, but it was a group effort. And yet, for the Abbey Gate tragedy, I still blame ISIS. There was one airport, and there were so many people who were running out of time to be safe.   It was time to leave, and the crowd itself was an exploit. An opportunity for terror. One last kick in the slats before leaving. One demonstration of the ideology that faced the country we tried to rehabilitate into something like a Western image.

Taking the Measure of a Man

 

On the second night of the DNC, something happened that to me, was entirely hilarious. Of course, Chicago was rocking because the rollcall affirmed our candidate, and who isn't turned up for the Obamas? But at the exact same time, VP Harris and Governor Walz filled the house in Milwaukee at the same venue the RNC occupied. Who the hell can cast that much shade at night?

Stars do.

I noted in the comments of an earlier post that Trump was going to speak on crime at Howell, MI, a town associated with the Klan, and it happened, and it was dull, and Trump was Trump. He lied a lot, but listlessly. He wonders why suburban women don't want him, a sex pest associated with other sex pests, a serial philanderer, a shitty role model for boys, a misogynist, and a person who does not respect women's rights over our own bodies or lives. It really makes you wonder what funhouse mirror view of himself he's always had. 

And then at the DNC, he got called out in a standup funeral. Sure, Democrats and a few Republicans were there to talk about why Kamala Harris and why now, and what needs to be preserved for our future of this great democratic experiment. 

It was uplifting and magnificent and of course I was teary-eyed and in the front pew of the church of what's happening now. It's a beautiful thing to see people come together to build a better future. I love it, and I love it for us. 

But you know what?  I stay petty. 

Postmenopausal Females and Normal Things

 

Unearthed audio: JD Vance says he agrees that “the whole purpose of the postmenopausal female” is to help raise grandchildren and that helping raise children is a “weird, unadvertised feature of marrying an Indian woman” pic.twitter.com/yCyZss7kNY

— Kamala HQ (@KamalaHQ) August 14, 2024

You know, not having kids myself, I am pretty much free from the idea I'll be helping raise grandchildren after menopause. I was pretty much planning on working into my 60's same as I do now. I'll stay active regarding politics. Write a little poetry.

Maybe finally get that cat. They are cuter than most mousetraps.  

I'm pretty sure I will also care about regular things--groceries and the like. The sorts of things suburban women are supposed to care about, as opposed to being concerned about reproductive rights. 

Except that it is normal to be concerned about not wanting to bleed out in an ER parking lot because doctors are afraid to treat your miscarriage, having lawyers determine how close to death you need to be, or how maimed, before a dangerous pregnancy is ended. It is normal to be appalled at the drawn-out traumatic grieving process of a woman being forced to carry a dying child to term so that it can be born only to horribly suffer and die. It is very normal to not want women to carry their rapists' babies--especially not little girls. 

He's a Creep. He's a Weirdo.

 

Unearthed audio: JD Vance calls for a “federal response” to block women in red states from traveling to another state to get an abortion pic.twitter.com/t9YAbFuoPc

— Kamala HQ (@KamalaHQ) July 26, 2024

What the hell is he doing here? (Don. Jr. and Eric wanted dad to pick him.) He doesn't belong here. (But there's Silicon Valley money and Project 2025 backers behind him, so we will likely be seeing him for at least a minute more.) 

Yeah, JD may not be a sofaphile and maybe he isn't into dolphin porn, but he is a really weird guy. From a kind of racist take on stopping women from traveling to get an abortion, to being on board with tracking women's menstrual cycles--literally policing their bodies! to defending his unfortunate and weird "cat lady" comments in a way that is still unfortunate and weird, while taking a swipe at Jennifer Aniston, he's really shaping up to be one of the worst running mate choices imaginable.

He isn't really helping the Republican ticket, but it's sort of worse than that. He could be an active drag. In the voting sense--not in the George Santos sense. Except he has changed his names as many times as George Santos, so there's that.

JD Vance is a Weird Little Guy

JD Vance says women who haven’t given birth like Kamala Harris are “childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives,” and have “no direct stake” in America. pic.twitter.com/3DJY3pQTGe

— Ron Filipkowski (@RonFilipkowski) July 22, 2024

Every time I hear this "childless cat lady"  thing, I really kind of want a nun to rap his knuckles. I get that Vance is a selfish dude who might only care about people in one's own family (if then!) but for many of us, we can care about many people, and even derive joy from the happiness of others.

 It's the image of Vance as the busybody looking with distaste at the neighbors: "Why don't I hear the pitter-patter of tiny feet?" (As he once looked at the poor white folks during his youth and deplored their indiscriminate breeding.) 

None of his weird little busybody business. Women are not ambulatory baby factories. And yes, stepchildren count as parenting. 

It's Up to Us

 

I spent the last few days putting off writing about the "Pass the Torch" movement. Oh, I was getting ready. I was going to sit down and take names and call out the fuckery. People didn't start one minute from the first question during the debate before I think the "drop Biden" movement started, in a way that felt coordinated and desperately shitty to me. 

Who the fuck treats a decent man who just gave us an astonishingly successful 3.5 years like this? Why are Democrats even airing our laundry in public? I'm a fan of transparency on one hand, but on the other it felt disrespectful to the man and his honorable public service. 

Every dumb horserace "Here's what a contested convention would look like" article, every "who might we see in a blitz primary?" thumbsucker, seemed to be a repudiation of the primaries we just had. 

The last straw wasn't the has-been campaign mahoffs of yesteryear who have displayed the political savvy of brain-damaged lemmings in the rush to shaft the incumbent Democratic president, though, that was going to make me bleed my frustration all over the internet--it was the distilled self-parody of Sorkinism: suggesting Democrats nominate Mitt Romney. 

Big "not The Onion" energy, but why did my eyes water? 

Because much as my feelings about Mitt Romney have moderated from 2012--he still isn't a Democrat, and it felt defeatist. One major party is captured by racist, violent authoritarianism, and the other is consigned to irrelevance and mere "Never Trumpism"?  Fuck that. 

The Un-American Project 2025

 

Heritage Foundation president celebrates Supreme Court presidential immunity ruling: "We are in the process of the second American Revolution, which will remain bloodless if the left allows it to be" https://t.co/ndMJlNlUKH

— Media Matters (@mmfa) July 3, 2024

Look at this Bond villain bullshit: "which will remain bloodless if the left allows it to be." What he's saying right there is, will remain bloodless if the left lays back and lets it happen. Because I guess it's fun to threaten a whole Revolution. Tea Party people. I swear. They really want to see themselves proudly fighting to--

Install a monarchy? Undo the first American Revolution? Institute a lot of Christian nationalist and white supremacist rubbish that the majority of Americans don't want? 

Um--exactly. And there are a lot of former Trump Administration officials supporting this blueprint for chaos. 

Anyway, when I saw that term, "bloodless", all I could think of was 1/6 and the testimony of a Capitol police officer that she was slipping in people's blood that day.  They thought they were re-creating 1776. What they were doing was insurrection. What the 'bloodless" Project 2025 document boasts is undoing the American experiment of a government of, for and by the people--unless those people are conservative activists.

Meanwhile in Texas

 

Texas radio host @TheRyanHamilton is speaking out after his state’s extreme abortion ban left his wife in serious danger and distress during a miscarriage. Thank you, Ryan for your bravery in sharing your story and speaking up against this cruel ban on essential health care. pic.twitter.com/qqyqYhaBqh

— Center for Reproductive Rights (@ReproRights) June 18, 2024

So, a few weeks ago, the Texas Supreme Court denied a challenge to the oppressive anti-abortion law on the grounds that doctors who tell their patients they won't perform abortions because of the law are just being silly. Seriously. Which I take to mean that goddamn it, maybe the doctors who can perform this care should test the theory and see how bullshit it is. All they have to lose is their...livelihood and well-being. (See George Tiller, etc.) What does this mean for pregnant people in this state?

Kate Cox, who had to flee Texas to receive vital reproductive care: I'm actually pregnant. It's a very exciting time. But it's a hard feeling. There's so much happiness, but I'm scared at the same time. I live in a state with an extreme abortion ban. If I have an emergency with… pic.twitter.com/r4V1C3abhq

— Biden-Harris HQ (@BidenHQ) June 21, 2024

Concern that they will not receive life-saving care if needed, or that they will face the prospect of their life saved, but reproductively-impaired or maimed by sepsi sor other effects of a pregnancy gone wrong. This is not a pro-life stance at all--merely pro-abusing women for capricious reasons.

Kitchen Karen is Back With a Handmaiden Origin Story

 

Today, I’m proud to introduce the More Opportunities for Moms to Succeed (MOMS) Act along with @SenMarcoRubio, @SenKevinCramer, and a group of @SenateGOP colleagues.

You can learn more here: https://t.co/L1mZmoYoQ5 pic.twitter.com/kAmX2Up7Yr

— Senator Katie Boyd Britt (@SenKatieBritt) May 9, 2024

Do you want the government to track your periods and judge you based on the length of time your uterus can hold a very sacred fetus? Would you like to be referred to a totally not-a-whole-bunch-of-doctors crisis group telling you how to just stay pregnant until you pop....something out, regardless of your whole ability to raise or care for a baby, and also deal with whatever the physical/emotional, and/or-financial state you are in when you do give forth your sprog?

If that is the incredibly weird and uncomfortable level of government/religious oversight of your very personal business you would deeply prefer not to have--please vote Democrat, thank you.

OK, I have more to say about this:

And When There is No State to Go To?

 

Simone: If you had to travel to another state to get an abortion, it’s not the worst thing in the world. Hopefully this is very rare occurrence in your life… Buying a bus ticket to go somewhere to get it is not the worst thing in the world. pic.twitter.com/EmaCoft18T

— Acyn (@Acyn) April 9, 2024

This is the glib, dismissive way that abortion bans are spoken about by people who have simply never had to think about reproductive health care in a personal, urgent way. 

A bus ticket? Well, across how many states? How long would that journey take? How soon/when/for how much time will one be able to get off work for? Will one also have to pay for lodgings, depending on the distance? Does one's state have a law that limits travel (this is proposed in several states) Will one need someone else's assistance in obtaining travel? Will the patient and/or the accomplice face felony charges for trying to get abortion services? 

Will these circumstances open up one's private, personal business to other people's investigation and judgment? (Depending upon one's community, it can be hard to schedule a sudden trip without some people speculating why one left.) 

The Republican Future for Women

 

This is the future the GOP wants for women across America.

Make sure everyone sees this. pic.twitter.com/uE869ct5cg

— MeidasTouch (@MeidasTouch) December 18, 2023

This reminds me of the wonderful film icon Debbie Reynolds, Carrie Fisher's mom, who talked on Joan Rivers' show about having to carry her dead baby because it was illegal for the doctors to abort until she was septic. And because she looked pregnant and people knew she had been, they asked her "How's the baby? What are you going to name the baby?" The grief of that seems so unbelievably cruel to inflict on someone--it's like having one's loss rubbed in one's face. 

And the enormity of forcing someone to not only be emotionally rendered by living with that death in life inside, but physically threatened by a potential septic pregnancy is sheer brutality, and I would even call it uncivilized. It seems monstrous to inflict that suffering on another person when it could be prevented--the very opposite of moral. 

People who want to call this pro-life are anti-woman. There is no reason behind it but equating female reproduction with "the sin of Eve" and thinking we should bodily suffer not for something we've even done, but because of a folktale from long ago explaining why labor pains exist.

No one who uses religion to justify punishing people for conceiving and not being able to carry that fetus should be allowed to use that horrific personal religious viewpoint to impose upon others' health and wellbeing. It's a choice a religious person so minded might make for themselves, but they should not insist on it for others. 

Fleeing the Texas Death Panel

 

Kate Cox, the 31-year-old Texas mother whose fetus has a fatal diagnosis, has left the state to obtain an abortion after a battle with Attorney General Ken Paxton (R) over whether she can legally terminate her pregnancy. pic.twitter.com/WN2P9qWrX9

— The Recount (@therecount) December 11, 2023

The decision to leave Texas to obtain an abortion was correct: the Texas Supreme Court denied her right to an abortion under the state laws medical exception:

The court ruled that the lower court made a mistake in ruling that the woman, Kate Cox, who is more than 20 weeks pregnant, was entitled to a medical exception. 

In its seven-page ruling, the Supreme Court found that Ms. Cox’s doctor, Damla Karsan, “asked a court to pre-authorize the abortion yet she could not, or at least did not, attest to the court that Ms. Cox’s condition poses the risks the exception requires.” Texas’ overlapping bans allow for abortions only when a pregnancy seriously threatens the health or life of the woman. 

“These laws reflect the policy choice that the Legislature has made, and the courts must respect that choice,” the court wrote.

There's a kind of "damned if you do, damned if you don't" catch for doctors, here. They can make "good faith" emergency decisions, but it has to be an emergency-emergency (death's door, apparently) in order to avoid professional penalties. This was the clarification sought, and per Texas Hold'em in the Uterus rules, she wasn't nearly close to death enough. Based on the arguments of state lawyers, you just can't believe dumb old doctors or dumb old women about these things, because they will just use the exception not in good faith, but to get an abortion anyway. (You know, claiming they have a real emergency in the same way women make claims about having been raped--subject to being told they are making it up. In other words, subject to how misogynistic the system wants to be: and given this law even exists, you pretty much know how it is.)

I am glad that Mrs. Cox did not wait around for the Texas death panel to see if she would die or not, but I fear for what real harassment might be in her future in this kind of culture and for what all this means for women in similar physical jeopardy who do not have the means to leave. Also, I fear that for anti-abortion zealots, this will only increase their resolve to enforce "fugitive womb" laws and create penalties for women seeking abortions--even if for their own lives and health. 

Texas Placing Bets on Whether a Woman Will Die

 

The Texas Supreme Court put a lower court's decision on hold regarding whether Karen Cox could receive what might be a life-saving abortion of an almost-certainly doomed fetus, following on AG Ken Paxton's claim that any doctor or hospital that performed that procedure would be prosecuted. This woman is the stake in a fucking card game. It seems to me that the elected zealots involved, like Justice John Devine:

John Devine, an anti-abortion activist and self-styled “Ten Commandments Judge,” will become one of Texas’s nine Supreme Court justices early next year, as the Democrats are not fielding a candidate for the seat in the November election.

....

Devine has long been a staunch anti-abortion activist. At a June rally in Fort Worth, Devine told the crowd he had been arrested 37 times while protesting abortion clinics in the 1980s, Smith reported. Though, in a more recent interview, “he said he had been arrested during peaceful protests several times in the 1980s but did not remember how many,” Smith reported. Despite this history of activism, Devine insisted he “is still able to interpret the law impartially.”

In 2008, Devine and his wife, Nubia, showed everyone just how committed they were to the pro-life position when her seventh pregnancy endangered her life and that of the baby. The Texas Observer‘s Emily DePrang wrote about a video his campaign put out called “Elizabeth’s story.”

Like that bet. 

So-called pro-life people love to say that a woman's life isn't really jeopardized by a pregnancy. They love to act like they did something special by allowing a fetus to be born if it survives even briefly. And they will claim victory of anything short of this young mother of two just dying right now. Trisomy-18 isn't always fatal: kids with Edwards syndrome can live--see former Senator Rick Santorum's youngest child, Bella, for a story of a child with a way better than expected outcome. But keep in mind this is a former senator with a shit-ton more access to the best care for his kid, and whose wife did not have Cox's unique set of pregnancy complications.

Texas and the Empty Cradle

 

My heart leapt up when I heard that Kate Cox would be allowed to terminate her genetically ill-fated pregnancy, but I knew she better have a surgical theater in her living room, because the AG of TX, Ken Paxton, impeached, indicted, self-anointed protector of the fruit of the Texan wombs, has nothing better to do than threaten doctors who engage in a court-sanctioned medical procedure. He would ruin this woman's health and future fertility, and the careers and lives of the doctors who help this woman, because?

Because he's so pro-life? Because Texas isn't pro-life. Not when it comes to the death penalty.  The strict abortion ban isn't necessarily saving lives. But it would be better to make an example of this woman, and force her to give birth to a child that might exist just to die, because?

I've long felt that while life doesn't necessarily begin at conception, mothering does. You can decide to eat right or not drink or smoke and maybe figure out how to get pre-natal care. But sometimes even basic ability to take care of your body and your baby's body isn't in your means. You can't afford to eat right. You have an addiction. You don't have access to health care. And sometimes, you just get a bad genetic draw. Nothing you do will ever make you carry a wanted child to term, because that isn't what was in the cards.