Juris Doctor Vance, Not So Young, Also Not Credible

 

While we can tell ourselves that part of Karoline Leavitt's juvenile dissembling attempts are sheer youth and immaturity, we know for sure that Vice-Signaling Junior President Vance "tells stories" with a purpose. So, when he condescendingly insults a reporter for not having read a court document--I don't even assume the JD Vance was simply mistaken and responding in a hurry when he got the basic details entirely wrong. 

JD Vance is a Yale Law grad and quite capable of seeing whether or not Kilmar Abrego Garcia was convicted of or merely accused of being a member of MS-13. It seems to me he counts on MAGA not reading, and only superficially noticing a lot of liberals telling Vance he's wrong (which he is) and assuming they are "triggered."

Greenland Gets a Visit from the Creepy Neighbors

 You know, you could imagine a world where the US was a good neighbor, the kind you could borrow salt from in a pinch, the kind that didn't threaten territorial expansion, where Usha Vance could have had a nice little three-day vacation, seen the sights, taken in a sled dog race, mingled with the locals--without being protested. Sure, they might not have been as thrilled to see her husband, but that would only because Jerkwater Dipshit Vance is kind of a pill. 

We don't live in that world now. We live in a world where people went door-knocking to see if anyone wanted to visit with the Second Lady and everyone in Greenland was like, "Hard pass." 

This is why what could have been a nice little weekend became three hours at Pituffik AFB, where VP Vance, with servicemembers as a backdrop, made a kind of creepy speech in Greenland's general direction, with comments that sounded along the lines of, "Nice but very cold place, would be a shame if something happened to it," and "Denmark could never love you the way we could."

JD Vance Follows Orders

 

There's something people don't like about J D Vance, and my personal take on it is that he's very inauthentic in some ways. Even his inauthenticity feels fake. Yesterday, he tried to make invading Greenland seem plausible by saying that Greenland is necessary for the United States for...reasons, and Denmark is a "bad ally." 

I don't think there is a convincing argument in there, because, I mean, what did Denmark or Greenland ever do to us?  (I'll give you a minute. There you go. Exactly.) 

Anyway, the Second Lady is part of an "aggressive" delegation going to Greenland this week because the idea of taking over Greenland being sort of stupid isn't actually going to stop this misadministration. No one is loving the idea--it's sort of an anti-diplomacy.

But unconvincing as it is, JD's job is telling stories. So, this is his story until Trump or Peter Theil or whoever needs another one. 

Look at Jeremiad Dispenser Vance, Telling Stories

 

One of the things that allegedly happened today was that Jabbering Defendant Vance, noticing that his Munich speech and his sabotage of Zelenskyy in the Oval office and the entire pro-Russia side the current Administration has been taking was a "Bad PR THING", decided to tell stories about taking his three year old for a walk. (Do we walkies our toddlers now to help them toilet or WTF? Because this is what my Boomer parents do for their Boston Terrier. Me and my brother did our toddler doodies in the wee people pot. Like a very long time ago, so maybe I don't know how the millennial parents are managing baby shit right this minute. Maybe we walkies our toddlers to protests because it's never too late to rub your kid's face in your crapulence. I'm not a parent. I'm just saying--bet? No cap? How sway? Or whatever the kids say these days about these things.)

I do know how to manage insufferable political lying dipshits though, because while I never had babies, I have the craziest scruples about people who have Secret Service protection and whose street is closed to keep protesters AWAY who maintain they and their toddler child were so BESET! 

Video of the protest has emerged and it's pretty clear Vance is lying; the protest was at the bottom of Vance's street, which was closed by police.

It would have been impossible for the protesters to "follow" Vance and his family around as he claimed. pic.twitter.com/rTkCCNg6qi

— Jimmy Rushton (@JimmySecUK) March 9, 2025

See--it's a hard thing to think this actually happened, but if it did, it only could have if some father put his kid RIGHT THERE, but I charitably don't think he did that. I think he just crafted a story not thinking it would ever be fact-checked to the satisfaction of the audience he wanted to BELIEVE that "slava Ukrainie" protesters were "shit persons". 

Blowups Happen

 

Starship 8 debris light show pic.twitter.com/U7lbP7rd0f

— Tesla Owners Silicon Valley (@teslaownersSV) March 7, 2025

The father of Grok, the possible DD Harriman wannabe, Elon Musk, has demonstrated his exceptional qualities as a businessman and leading light of tech industry by once again littering the sky with a "rapid unscheduled disassembly.". This comes a minute (more or less) after Trump explained to his cabinet and the world that maybe DOGE/Musk don't have the ultimate say in who gets fired--the cabinet heads do, as they should. 

DOGE has been prone to mistakes--like gutting nuclear safety.  Like using random keywords to delete programs and contracts because they don't understand sometimes words have two meanings. (Little bitches too young to know from "Stairway to Heaven", even. What even is "Enola Gay"?.) 

Admittedly, this is the same day that Trump played the Hokey-Pokey with the Mexico/Canada tariffs again--is his right foot in, or is it out? Has he tried shaking it all about? 

So what's up and what's odd with that? Oh, nothing. but the FAA having to shut down flights at airports in the Southern Florida area because Musk "made it rain." 

I can't be the only person whose brain does musical vignettes: 

I was going to sell electric cars, then I got high.

I was going to go to Mars, then I got high.

Now my spaceships and stocks are tanking,

and I know why! Hey hey,

Because I got high,

because I got high,

because I got high. 

Ashes, Ashes

 

There's a Tweet going around about the above two that one knows he's going to hell and the other doesn't, but that isn't it. If Marco Rubio thought he was going to hell for being here--would he be here? He's just mad he doesn't have a bigger part in the betrayal. But why fret? The coins are transferred, the kiss has been placed, the offering of rare earth minerals has been set. The body of Ukraine. The heroes have already given so much blood. And now, the martyrdom.

Rubio will play his part. The cock hasn't crowed three times, yet. But the US has retracted intelligence and aid. And the weapons they have, have been low-jacked. Leaving the Ukrainian people, who until now have been our allies, tasting gall. 

This is Juvenile Damage

JD Vance claims that efforts to suppress misinformation and hate speech "are going to destroy Western Civilization. They're gonna destroy Europe, and they would destroy the United States of America if we allowed them to fester. Thank God we have a president now who believes in… pic.twitter.com/EKIIF4rXoD

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) March 4, 2025

March 4, 2025

Sometimes I wonder what JD Vance stands for, but to me, the persistent thing about him is that he tells stories. He creates narratives. He likes a good yarn. Jesuitical Dissembler Vance is insisting that lying is good, actually. I guess if you have a problem with it, you are probably "virtue-signaling." 

See what happened there? Lying is good and being concerned with what is true is fatally dangerous. (I personally despise the term "virtue -signaling" FWIW--people have VALUES and CONFESS THEM and LIVE BY THEM publicly if they are sincere in any fashion. Scoffing at the notion means you are basically an amoral putz.)

The Lie Trump is Servicing

 

While people are wondering whether Ukrainian President Zelenskyy needs to do some backtracking to make proper amends and all that and get back to the table with the US, Russian foreign minister Lavrov is out here calling this man a traitor to the Jewish people and basically a "Nazi". This has been a big part of Russian propaganda. It is, for so many reasons, especially disgusting to project this made-up bullshit to this man, who comes from a heroic family that fought against the Nazis, for the very obvious reasons. 

If the reasons aren't obvious to you--get off the internet, read books, touch grass. What the fuck is wrong with you? Why would you believe stupid made-up shit just because it matches the thing you want to believe? Shouldn't what is actually true matter? 

Trump has proposed that Zelenskyy is somehow the reason, being elected to the presidency of Ukraine in 2019, for the invasion that started in 2014 and which his own good buddy Manafort knows a whole lot about. (I get why Trump faithful try to step around all that. It's messy for them, no?) 

Glory to the Heroes

 

I can't imagine anything more appalling than Jethro Dull Vance being the condescending haughty motherfucker who ended the leadership of the United States in the free world. But he was the one who, with his jumped-up ding-a-ling hauteur, who tried to interject a font of pure RU agitprop, and invoked Zelenskyy's need to set things straight and tell the bloody simple stupid truth, that Russia is never to be trusted, has broken ceasefires, and is the source of grotesque war crimes, at Bucha, at Izium.  Wherever the Russian army has had its way, mass slaughter has been their plan. 

It was always about genocide of the Ukrainian people--why else would Russia say they are not a country, and they haven't a proper language and try to stamp out their history? You can't surrender anything to a genocide. You just can't. The terms of peace are maybe you keep your right arm, except to the elbow-today. Until we don't like the look of your other arm tomorrow. And what about those dangerous legs? Will you defend freedom on stumps? 

President Zelenskyy told the truth--his people are truly being slaughtered. Sure, the odds are bad--but surrender is worse. Because of the rape, the mass graves, the kidnapping of children. And the Trump Administration response is to ask a man who almost certainly has reason to fear assassination from Russia---whose people every day have the threat of a bomb killing them, mothers and children--maybe even especially, since the enemy targets maternity hospitals and schools and all--to consider what if a bomb?! Landed on him?!

Big Men in Kids' Pants

 

Anyway, last night I didn't blog about Trump possibly referring to himself as a king over interfering with New York local politics over "congestion pricing" or with his daft, ahistorical and ignorant ravings over whether Ukrainian president Zelenskyy is a "dictator" (while Vladimir Putin has ruled Russia for a quarter century, and no, the temporary interregnum of Nukesy-Pukesy the Drunken Hate-America Elf does not count). I wrote a short science fiction story instead because it gave my brain a rest from what can only be described as imprecatory cursing bordering on being entered on several watchlists, from Homeland Security to St. Peter's. 

But my problem coalesced for me in the above picture of our US Vice-President, JD (Jimmy Donuts?) Vance, sitting there with his Little Lord Fauntleroy awkward short-looking trousers. Jello Dildo Vance never learned how to buy pants. When I say "Big Men in Kids' Pants" I am not talking about in a Matt Gaetz way or a Tate Brothers' way--although their pants truly also don't fit and make them look stupid and juvenile. Also, they fuck underage girls. (That's called "statutory rape" in law-and-order world.) 

I mean they have never learned to pull up their big boy pants and pretend they have a "crisis of manhood" when they have a crisis of not figuring out --not the "man" part--but the "adult" part. 

Donald Trump and Elon Musk are the real machers, so I will leave Vance alone for a minute--and he's used to it! And they never earned a callous between them. Billions of dollars, yes. Did a 70 hour week of physical on your feet pallet jack and register banging work-no. Never climbed poles, fought fires, worn a hardhat but never used the equipment but for show. Their work is investing. 

Free Speech, Responsibility, and a Caution

 

I take potshots at VP JD Vance, as is my right as an American, and I do so only with a little guilt that he's a barrel of fish--a target-rich environment. All the same, something about him irritates me right in the patriotism.  I have described him as being if chewing on tin foil with a mouthful of fillings was a person, and I am not backing down from that. 

Take today as an example--he weighed in on Margaret Brennan asking Secretary of State Marco Rubio (a man chained in a dungeon of his own making, performing Trump's foreign policy while I guarantee you knowing better at any instance) if there was anything amiss in Vance's Munich speech regarding the "enemy within" and meeting with AfD where "free speech" led to the Holocaust. 

I' m going to help everyone out by stipulating that the Nazis were not big fans of free speech. They banned books, you know. "Un-German" books regarding different races, people who were considered deviant, people who were liberal or Communist. They would have really hated DEI. 

Went Over Like a Lead Turd

 

You know, taking your weird-ass conspiracy-theorist Pizzagate asshole friend along with you on serious European business all by itself is a whole kind of offensive fuckup.  Oh, wait, maybe that was a Hegseth team fuck up.  The down with America, up with Russia dipshit horror shows were so boldly evident at this flea circus display from the supposed America First crowd I guess I got confused. Hegseth was the one who told everyone we ain't got no navy to speak of so don't count on us and we can bug out our military presence in Europe so don't get too comfortable. 

I say wild ass shit when I'm hungover too, so I guess the Fox News veteran's words aren't all that surprising to me. 

But JD Vance being a condescending and unpleasant pro-Putin scold with no sense of irony is also not surprising to me. He chided Europe for lack of freedom of speech while at home, AP was being barred from the White House and Air Force One because their style guide stays with the more (for 400+ years) appropriate "Gulf of Mexico". And while Tom Homan hates on people who want to use the First Amendment to tell undocumented people about the other rights they have under the Constitution. 

A Constitutional Crisis and a Confederacy of Dumbasses

 

Huh. You know, if a general violated any international treaties and committed war crimes, a judge would very legitimately have something to say about that. A judge could certainly reject the case of an attorney general and determine that their reading of the law was wrong if it very much was. And the idea that judges can determine that an act of Congress or of the executive office was in violation of the Constitution is called "checks and balances." The old separation of powers thing where we don't want any branch of government to be really dictatorial. 

This is the "are you smarter than a fifth grader?" level of understanding how our government works.  Senators Mike Lee and Tom Cotton also played very dumb about what they should have very earnestly understood based on their own education. 

You Are What You Eat

 

You know, I would have bet anything that being Donald Trump's vice president, if nothing else, would involve eating a lot of shit. After all, he did try to get the last guy lynched. That said, I realized that JD Vance was just the guy for the job. Try to spin Trump's oddball pronouncements into something normal. Be willing to do anything for love of Trump. It's not that I like JD Vance--far from it.  

It's just that he has a very particular set of skills. 

So when Elon Musk has a racist manboy resign over making some very racist social media posts, we can see JD Vance fix his purty mouth to do that thing he does:

He "obviously disagrees" with the idea that marrying outside of your race is abhorrent and anti-Indian hate should be normalized--I assume? So says the JD Vance bio. But this is a kid, and his social media activity is "ruining a kid's life?" 

A 25-year-old posted that last year, player. 

Egads, I Hate JD Vance.

 

Of all the trifling twats that ever twatted triflingly, JD Vance feels like he might be both the most trifling and twattiest. The adoption of Trump's victimization fetish that the US has been "taken advantage of" is so uniquely lame and fucked up. Did Lady Liberty get railed by the big old Lumberjack? How sway? 

Trump himself conflated the Canadian trade deficit thing with our actual US debt, which this asshole put 8 trillion American dollars on. As a member of the party that DOES NOT swan about preaching "fiscal responsibility" while racking up losses by granting tax cuts to the rich at every opportunity, um. 

Fuck you. Fuck you from the soles of your shitty unspurred feet to the crown of your molting head. And what I say for Trump goes ditto (megadittoes. even!) for his mini-me. 

JD Vance tells stories. That is to say, more appropriately, he lies, and he knows and accepts that he lies. 

Let's know and accept that. too. And acknowledge how unacceptable that behavior is. 

Boos for the US

Trump's tariffs are an incredible unforced error nationally on our part, because we never had that level of animosity with our neighbor to the north before (I guess since the war of 1812). I don't know that Trump understands what Candian energy means for New England states in winter, or to what degree imposing these tariffs makes him the asshole, but we are going to readily see the problem in action because our good allies are going to reciprocate--because why shouldn't they? 

Trump doesn't understand water conservation in California and probably thinks BC needs to turn a spigot somewhere so I'm not going to try to parse his wrong-headed grievances. The last North American Trade agreement was the USMCA which was a Trump Administration coup! (As far as successful Trump Administration coups go!) and now he wants to say it's all been problematic? 

We're Gonna Nuke a Hurricane This Time, Aren't We?

 

So, last night I posted, then pulled, a blogpost about Rep. Andy Ogles' proposed Amendment to have Trump serve a second term.

That man's brains are going to be banana pudding with no vanilla wafers by then, but ok. https://t.co/XzTnGe2lts

— Vixen Strangely (@VixenStrangely) January 24, 2025

I was expanding a little on the idea that Trump is very old, actually, and manifestly not as competent as he was even during his incompetent first term. So, what the hell would be left to re-elect?  When I got up the next morning, I realized how ill-conceived that idea might be. Trumpism is juche. It is revolutionary and divorced from typical Republicanism and seeks independence from reliance on other nations by just like, taking whatever it is they have we rely on. You know, capitalist juche. No allies, just a little bit of taking hints from Russia and China. And constant propaganda. 

It wouldn't matter if Trump's mentis was compost.  The GOP has gotten used to ignoring that Trump is, in fact an idiot. Only a really bad fuck up might save us. 

The problem is--how bad? And tonight, the GOP confirmed Pete Hegseth, a white knuckle black out drunk and possible rapist and spousal abuser, with nowhere near the experience he ought to have, for Secretary of Defense. 

Because what could go wrong? What have we got to lose? 

Oedipally Wrecked

 

Charlie Kirk presumably has a biological father who molded him and his big head into whatever you would call him now, and I believe he is honestly straight married and isn't, in fact, closeted in any way. Also, he would play the mouth harp if the droopy-eyed SOB, lit from below as if telling a scary campfire story, in an angle reminiscent of his Georgia mug shot, depicted above, told him it was necessary to soothe an old man's slumbers.

(Get your mind out of the gutter--that's from the Bible, it is! )

There are big men, manly men, men who have never shed a tear in their lives, who want this apparition of bad-assedness in office, not because he is good at anything, but because of images like this. His followers can tell one another he wants vengeance and is a Bad Spanking Daddy because the "Russia Russia Russia thing" was his villain origin story, and they want him to be right. 

Like little kids who love their Daddies, they can't see he didn't need an origin story, he's just kind of generally dumb and bad. He wants to punish people for noticing what he did and "disrespecting him". 

In short, they want a motherfucker, and here he is. And this photo is looking pretty damn motherfuckerly. 

TWGB: Putting us on the Map

 

You know, maybe Trump can't end Russia's war in Ukraine with a phone call, or bring the hostages home from Gaza, or really do anything at all in the Middle East except make things worse, and maybe he won't bring down grocery prices and it's a whole lot to think he'll do much about fuel prices, but maybe he and his magic Sharpie can change the map! 

The Gulf of Mexico was the Gulf of Mexico, before there was a USA. If we have a national security issue regarding Greenland, well, we have had an air base there since 1943--Pituffik, formerly known as Thule. (Does he think it went away because the name changed? He seems to have a problem with accepting that military bases can change their name but still exist. His sense of object permanence is fleeting.) 

Trump on Any Day Ending in "Y"

 

Trump announces he wants to throw “everyone on the [January 6] committee” in jail. pic.twitter.com/33hEYGByu1

— No Lie with Brian Tyler Cohen (@NoLieWithBTC) December 8, 2024

Trump "Met the Press" and in his interview with Kristen Welker, he said all kinds of incredibly fascinating things. He still only had "concepts of a plan" with respects to health care. He's going to deport the "Dreamers" and is looking into ending birthright citizenship (which is actually in the Constitution). He lied about how many murders have been committed by undocumented migrants. He admitted he "can't guarantee" his tariffs won't raise prices (because they will).  He's going to get rid of Christopher Wray as head of the FBI for no other reason than wanting his own attack-dog there. 

Oh yes, and he wants the 1/6 Committee in prison for noticing he defrauded people by lying about the 2020 election and directed a crowd of rioters at the Capitol to "Stop the Steal (AKA the lawful certification of the election)" and then the Committee really went wild and pointed it out. 

TrumpWorld is always a bit more mad that people point out wrongdoing then that they are guilty of it. Trump is allergic to accountability. It makes him break out in vendetta.