OK, Carlson, You Got Me

 

Is this not a recipe for man-parts melanoma? (or other calamity)  I asked myself, agape and aghast at the genital microwaving (this link is cursed) I saw displayed. I mean, dudes looking to procreate wear loose boxers and try to give their boys air if they are having some difficulties, so treating your hotdog to the convenience store lamp treatment in order to boost vitamin "D" seems entirely counterintuitive (read: stupid as fuck). Frankly, the best things you can do to boost test (non-pharma) are get good sleep, eat good food, move your ass, and don't be stressed out as all fuck. You know what else boosts test? Winning at actual stuff, instead of being the kind of guy who obsesses over whether you are manly or not. 

Gronk gets it. Beckham does, too. You are more than the sum of your hormones or social drag. 

I am not going to ask myself if the intro cut was homoerotic, because worrying about that is far more the Dan White Society's president's problem than mine. And I find I do not care what Pee Wee Better in the Original German thinks about gender stuff, since he once described beating up a gay person in a men's room, and it sort became a thing conservatives worry about in bathrooms now, and want to persecute non-gender conforming people about in public restrooms because ack!--weird when people need to pee, right? Because maybe sex stuff? (Actually, not really. It just gets talked about.) 

This man is so insecure he needs a passcode to grab his own dick in the john. This man is so insecure he supports pedophilia so long as it's the straight, very religiously-perversely-defended kind. (And women who own their own sexuality are whores. That's another extremely insecure thing.) 

So yes, I find I need to mock Carlson because wow, this thing was so needy and so totally about his own toxic masculine gender conflict, but it feels like he totally laid it out as bait so gender-wise hipsters would skewer him and martyr his poor UV rayed in effigy man-bits with opprobrium that he could then point to the mean-ass libs as the witches who were stealing his penis? 

Shut up you guys, I'm just a feminist asking questions.  And yes, I did the cock-robbin'. In the rest room with the lead pipe, And I would do it again!