While They Were in the Nursery

 

Things had come to such a petty pass when last I blogged that I took a small break in the hopes that the revelation of so much smallness would not, actually, shrink my spirit like cotton trousers in a warm soak. The American Rescue Act passed, and not a single Republican wanted dick to do with it. Dr. Seuss they have time for. (I hear there there are more important things.) Mr. Potato Head they have time for. They will make time for lecherous cartoon skunks--before they bother with the needs of the American working class, who have been battered by the COVID-19 recession, and have been alternately told they are "essential" and treated like they are expendable if not disposable, and small businesses that need a helping hand. 

But when I saw Thursday night what we'd been missing for so long, I found myself back on my blogular bullshit. We have an adult in the White House now and the Republicans don't know how to act. Our dad kicked their dad's ass on the electoral playground and now he's kicking him in the nuts every chance he gets and they're big mad, you guys. I mean, sure, Biden is more popular than Trump ever was, but like, Trump was president, um, too? And did a job of it, right? Very productive!

And while we're at it, where's Trump's participation trophy for throwing money at pharmaceutical companies to get a vaccine going and only getting like, half a million people killed? 

Okay. Here:

Let's call it the Donald J. Trump "What Have You Got to Lose?" trophy and let him stick it wherever he puts his newspaper clippings about getting nominated for the Nobel Prize, right by the portraits of himself he bought with his fake-charity slush fund money and his also fake Time Magazine covers, because the real ones aren't always that flattering. 

But I've already spent too much breath on Trump, haven't I? (Hasn't everyone?) The real story is how the GOP had no after-Trump plan, and now they have nothing at all but "not whatever Democrats want". And since Democrats just mostly want good government and our people not dying, broke, or sick, um, what they want looks bad, actually. 

Also they want to suppress people voting because of course they do. They've given up on expanding their map and have definitely reached the "quiet parts out loud" part of their desperation--but it's okay, because they kind of think the Supreme Court is with them on this. I mean, compare what the representative from AZ said with Buckley and Bozell from another era. (The sins of the fathers, etc.) They can't win on the kitchen table talk, so they want a culture war. 

But what does that even mean, anymore? When Marco Rubio sides with an Amazon union bid because of culture war--it means less than nothing. When alt-right gadfly Milo Yiannopoulos declares himself an ex-gay for attention, we get a little nearer to whatever minute we're in now on the conservative clock (or check with Andrew Sullivan, still gay but basically a phrenologist).  

The conservative case seems to be a whole battle with the entire arc of history. (For everyone bending the arc of history towards justice, there's these pricks, riding athwart with dragging spurs yelling "stop".) The concept of time, even. The idea of getting out of the nursery. It's meatheads who practically swallow their tongues in the face of men who aren't their kind of manly and women who aren't their kind of feminine, families that don't look like the dolls that came with their dollhouse playset and human beings that aren't easily labeled. Who might be from somewhere else or even have a different idea of God.

So here's my take--I don't want unity with toddlers who break their toys and have tantrums when they don't get things their way, and who don't see others, for example, atheist, feminist and queer, or in any other way multicultural or diverse, or divergent in perspective, as deserving of respect or recognition. The GOP lost me when I was in the nursery, and so were they--when the Silent Majority of Nixon gave way to Reaganism, trickle down, and the culture war I always kind of thought was a little bit personal--against me. 

They are still in the nursery, and have opinions about, I guess, reefer madness. But we need to move on, even if Republicans aren't coming. So I just don't give a shit about unity or bipartisanship. I care about doing what works and protecting real people, not cartoon characters and plastic spuds. I hope Republicans get over their Trump-Daddy issues eventually, but they can't hold up fucking progress.

Not too Late for Christmas Cheer

I've been slacking because for me, this has been a week, but here's a neat little video of President Obama showing that toys aren't really easily sorted as "girls'" and "boys'":



I was all about anything I could throw, catch, shoot, or build (my emptied-out Idaho-powdered-mashed-potatoes canister repurposed as a LEGO container was my go-to favorite thing--I mostly made castles) as a little girl, and my dolls were usually "patients" for playing at being a doctor. I'm not too sure why things kids play with get so gender-segregated, myself.

Also this:

Reminds me of all the daddies who have ever perched on too-tiny chairs to drink imaginary tea from too-tiny cups, or patiently endured a "make-over". Too cute.

Christmas is a neat time for getting back on the floor watching kids open toys and just seeing the spirit of play all over again. My little nephews and I turned stuffed animals into footballs and tried not to mess up Nonna's living room. It was a good day.

I Just Watched A Video of a Kid Getting Shot

I knew I wouldn't like what I was seeing, but I decided I should see how quickly a kid playing with an airsoft pellet gun gets turned into a victim by a rookie cop. If you have the spoons, you can see for yourself--it's over faster than you'd even imagine, and that's what's gutting.

I had the gist of the story since yesterday, but it shocked me to learn that the police thought he was an adult. They thought he was 20. They thought his gun was real--but there wasn't even a pause.

Not a pause. There wasn't time to identify themselves or shout a question at the boy. They could not have taken the time to tell him to put it down and make sure he did it before that kid was gone.

And what does the local news try to push? That he came from a home with a violent father. His father didn't kill him though, okay? And any kid who watches tv or plays video games has a sense of the gun as a symbol of fighting. They play-act. Kids play cops and robbers with toy guns. Sometimes they even idolize the cops. Sometimes kids might even approach a police car because they don't realize they themselves might be seen as a threat.

It only took a minute. The surveillance video has him playing and posturing by himself and not hurting anybody, and a cop car comes, and the boy falls, and a gun is held on a dead boy.

It isn't the first time I've seen footage like that of a shooting, and I wish I never saw it--only I wish it was because it didn't happen and not because I cared enough to look. It was over so fast. How does a life get lost this fast? Just, how?

Who is the Ted Cruz Coloring Book *For*?

I know I'm coming a bit late to the party regarding commenting on the Ted Cruz Coloring book, but I think it's in part because it isn't really...that weird to me? To explain, when I was six (!), I was a recruit to the Kiss Army, because they were not just a band, but an obviously swag-generating operation. I saw the Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park tv movie, and decided I was going to grow up and marry Ace Frehley. I had the Colorforms. I had some trading cards. What other bands had Colorforms and trading cards? None. So who was the number one favorite of headbanging first-graders? Exactly. You have to give it up for a band that merchandises for the milk and cookie crowd, although, I admit, by Animalize my tastes had just about matured out of them.

So it goes, right?

But that leads me to the question--who is US Senator Ted Cruz to The Future for? I figure the upper age for kids who actually color is what--ten? So the kids coloring Senator Ted today would be more concerned with entering high school than voting booths when 2016 rolls around.

I know. It could just be kind of a hipster-fun thing to have a political coloring book, and I might be overthinking this a little, but I don't doubt that Cruz probably does have his sights on the White House (probably in 2016,* too) and that although he says he had no involvement with the creation of the coloring book, it definitely has the fingerprints of some "friends of Ted" (note the "Ten Commandments" branch on that tree). Am I being goofy if I think this is aimed at planting a seed with "Generation Joshua" (some of whom are definitely in the process of being softened up for the TX GOP politicians of the future)? That way, if 2016 doesn't fly, maybe 2020? 2024?

(*I know I have claimed not to be interested in talking about 2016 yet. "Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds" and all that.)

I used to have an Easy-Bake Oven--

When I had one, it looked like this:

It kind of has a very early microwave oven appearance, doesn't it? And sure, it's got pink accents on it, but it's clear that it's just a toy appliance. It isn't going out of its way like this is:

This is the souped-up pretty purple 2012 edition of the classic baby-foodie starter kit. Well, I don't know about you all, but I melted crayons in mine to do encaustic art and threw Playdough ashtrays in to see what would happen (and discovered that you do not use Woolworth cheapie nailpolish as a glaze and then expose it to heat unless you want to asphyxiate your fool self.) I hardly ever used used my "girl toys" for what was on the label, though. I turned doll highchairs into rudimentary rockets and converted most baby dolls into "patients" for playing doctor--if I didn't alter their appearances in peculiar ways and design new outfits for them. So I kind of wonder if the "new, improved" but "super, duper girly-girl-colored" Easy-Bake Oven of today is actually sexist. 

That's is what a New Jersey 8th grader, McKenna Pope sees:

I feel that this sends a clear message: women cook, men work. … I want my brother to know that it’s not “wrong” for him to want to be a chef, that it’s okay to go against what society believes to be appropriate. 

Please join me to ask Hasbro to feature males on the packaging and in promotional materials for the Easy-Bake Ultimate Oven, as well as offering the product in different, non gender specific colors, i.e. primary colors. … Help me in creating gender equality, and help the children of today become what they’re destined to be tomorrow.

She has a point. This toy oven doesn't look like the oven that's even used in the kitchen in anyone's house, let alone a professional kitchen. It looks like it's for turning out magical glitterbiscuits to be eaten by lavender unicorns who poop rainbows. Admittedly, I am a fan of wildly-colored kitchen implements, being of the DINKy homo neophilus gadget-loving breed--you can seriously get an espresso maker in any color you might want--but really? Defaulting to purple and pink? Why not stainless? And why aren't boys on the packaging?

The reason it gives me pause is because I'm seeing a metamorphosis backwards in gender roles and toy advertising. You all know about how awesome Legos are, right?

Well, here's Legos when I was a kid:

And then there's the Pepto Bismol-barf pink and raspberry sherbet purple of today's less imaginitive girl's Lego kits:

Where's the little girl discovering the joys of building totally new stuff with her hands and brains? It's just labelled "girl" and given "girl colors". I'm going to sound like "Hysterical feminist is hysterical"--but that's like marketing sexism right to girls, and telling them--"It's because you like it that way!"

And seriously, there is more of that brand of sexism as girls get older, too.

Anyway, I think kids toys should be for kids, and not so gender stereotyped. And yes, that absolutely means boys should play with dolls if they like, and girls can definitely play with trucks and tools. I don't really get why this is a big deal.  Grown men have children and feed and nurture them; grown women drive trucks and use tools where they work. Not knowing that is worse than childish. Thinking children can't figure it out is simply dumb. And restricting play based on gender stereotypes makes no sense if play is how kids figure out how the world works, whether it's how to bake cookies or how to make simple fireworks from a chemistry set. Or things like that.

The Unenviable Branding Genius of Eric Fehrnstrom

I was just talking about narrative the other day, and mentioned that Romney doesn't have one. Well, he has one, as a kind of progressive Republican former Massachusetts governor trying to capture the nomination for presidential candidacy from an increasingly-conservative Republican part that doesn't seem to want him, whilst being burdened with immense personal awkwardness and immense personal wealth.  But for Pete's sake, first of all, that's an almighty mouthful, and for another thing, it's not exactly flattering to the candidate, is it?

What the campaign has always needed was something simple for people to easy understand what the campaign was about--a central idea. Maybe a visual. That is what Romney aide Eric Fehrnstrom has provided. Here's the synopsis:

This all started this morning on CNN. When Romney aide Eric Fehrnstrom was asked if the campaign was worried about moving too far to the right during a primary, he responded that he was not. 

"Well, I think you hit a reset button for the fall campaign," Fehrnstrom said. "Everything changes. It's almost like an Etch A Sketch. You can kind of shake it up and we start all over again." 

What followed, on a day when Romney was supposed to be celebrating his victory -- and his 43rd wedding anniversary, by the way -- was a firestorm from political opponents that lit up Twitter and saw rival Republican candidates appearing on stage with the iconic toy.

Etch-a-Sketch! I had one as a kid--you probably had one as a kid. It's one of the best-recognized toys ever.  And it is a toy designed for making pictures. Which is just wonderful for the visual media, tv, speeches, the internet. And it does sum up the main theme of the Romney campaign--he's running to the right of Rick Freaking Santorum right now, but tomorrow? Who knows?  It's simple, iconic, and everyone gets it.

So instead of talk about how everyone should now get behind Romney now that he's decisively won a pretty big one in Illinois, and gotten a big endorsement from Jeb Bush  who was one of the frequently-mentioned possible contenders in a brokered convention--we were treated to the spectacle of living-dead candidates Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum brandishing prop Etch-A-Sketches.

And yet, amusing as all this is--it won't kill Romney's chances of getting the nomination. The math is still the math. Inevitablah! Mittmentum!

But on other news, Senator McCain is a little disappointed. And Greg Mankiw posts a joke.  These are people on Romney's side.

Pleasant thought--given that Mitt is unpopular enough that he's being savaged by other Republicans and he's the best shot they've got right now, wanna give a think about what kind of bullshit he'll have to go through in the long haul?  Given that his campaign advisers must have the killer instinct of overcrowded lemmings not to have clapped down on some of Romney's privileged gaffe-tasticness, I'm sure at least their pick of running mate will be a real gme-changer, you know?

A Little Girl Talks About Gender Stereotypes in a Toy Store

Preach, Riley. I wanted superheroes and princesses, myself.

Breastfeeding Dolls and Being Female-Bodied (x-posted from Strangely Random Stuff)

There's been a little interest over this baby doll that allows children to play at breastfeeding.  Some people find this a "mature" concept or just intimate or weird. I think these people are really too uptight. Female-bodied women who have given birth can feed their babies with their mammary glands. It's part of being a mammal. It's a scientific fact that this is what boobies are intended for. It's also the best way for most human babies to be fed, for many health reasons. So I'm a little flummoxed when I hear that some people find this to be a controversial toy--it's a doll. Kids like to mirror the behavior of adults, and have been playing with dolls since forever. Breastfeeding is totally natural--so it's natural for a child who is interested in family-oriented play ("house", we called it, when I was a pup), to use a doll to mimic suckling, just as they've used dolls to mimic bottle-feeding.