Could Ebola Teach US Americans Geography?

The late journalist Ambrose Bierce commented that "War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." Yeah. As if Americans ever learn geography. Truth of the matter is, that picture to the left probably is where a disturbing number of Americans (well, nortemericanos, anyway) stand with respects to understanding our planet and how she is laid out. (More knucklehead geography is on view at Buzzfeed. [No, but I love Buzzfeed, news and nostalgia and cat videos forevah. It is my #1 time-sink site and I can not lie.])

Basically, even our most elite Americans are totally having Caitlin Upton moments--but particularly about the whole Africa and ebola thing.

No, really:

For instance, at a school in New Burlington, New Jersey, two Rwandan students are staying at home due to other parents’ fear that they will infect other children with Ebola. Rwanda is as close to the Ebola outbreak as New York City is to Seattle.

In Hazlehurst, Mississippi, a school principal’s recent visit to Zambia has led to a lot of parents choosing to keep their kids at home. But Zambia is in Southern Africa, over 3,000 miles away from the Ebola outbreak — the same distance between New Hampshire and Los Angeles.  

A school bus driver in Poplarville, Mississippi who recently visited Ghana is being prevented from returning to work. Meanwhile, in Pewaukee, Wisconsin, some parents kept their kids home when their school hosted two visitors from Uganda.

Seriously? People aren't even Google-mapping where people are from? Can't even do the most basic Wiki research into where folks are and how ebola works and then front that they are concerned? They have the maps--because they have the cell phones. Maps are even on cell phones, now. They have the gateway to non-stupid in their pockets.

So I am thinking the answer is "Nope." Americans will learn geography when the stupid is pried from their cold, dead hands. Or possibly in the case of zombie apocalypse.