Trump World Grab-Bag--A Collection

Friday, August 15, 2008

Sea-monsters, chupacabras--Bigfoot?

What the hell? I said "Bigfoot". That's right. He's big, he leaves tracks, usually very localized tracks, in like, clay or something, and they're big, you know....feet? And he's (or she's) a big old manmonster or monsters allegedly stomping around the USA, generally understood to be bigger than regular humans, hairy, and clever enough not to get seen.

Except for when he/she/it/they are. Got that?

I love this stuff. It's almost always hoaxy. I remember a few years back, there was a claim that someone had a hair sample from Bigfoot. The DNA test came back saying it was bison hair. Now, I'm not saying it couldn't have been a were-bison. You know, a wretched humanoid doomed to stagger across the lone prarie and turn into a ruminating quadruped when the moon was full. One could quite obviously be confused if they caught it while it was changing. But this time around, they had a whole body! Not hair--a body! So, lots of potential there, right?

The press conference was today--but check this out and get ready:

On the edge of your seat, yet?

Okay, well, maybe it wasn't so great, actually:

Tom Biscardi — CEO of Searching for Bigfoot, Inc, who also spoke at the event — said DNA tests had been conducted by Dr. Curt Nelson, a biologist at the University of Minnesota. The tests, he said, came back with three results: one showing inconclusive data, another indicating the creature was human, and another indicating it was a possum. That, Biscardi said, was probably because it had eaten a possum.

Biscardi mentioned that he was waiting for a friend of his — a scientist at Stanford — to get back from vacation before releasing any additional proof.

“Do you think these fellas would have come this far and put their reputations on the line if they didn’t have what they said they have?” Biscardi responded when a reporter challenged his claims.

When asked why they didn’t show the body itself, Whitten said they plan to — but they have to wait until they “get the right scientific crew there.”

Damn. I was kind of almost hoping there was a Bigfoot.

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