It's a Gas, Gas, Gas!

 

So, the freakout on the right today was a panic that The Man was coming for your gas stoves because the avocado green of your best-loved steak-cooking appliance wasn't green enough for the uncanny valley of our future dystopia. Or something like that. 

This is a thing that isn't happening. Jack-booted Bidenistas are not going to confiscate people's kitchen appliances. What the whole entire heck? 

But no, there was much ado:

So much signifying. They'd rather fight than switch, etc.--which no one was asking them to do. People just wanted to look into the idea that maybe gas ranges were giving kids asthma. I am so sorry that one's ability to properly sear pork chops is more important to them than whether their kids have asthma, but I guess I have to respect your deeply held Maillard-reaction traditions and pass the Albuterol. 

Now because I am class-conscious, I get that one is not always at cause over one's kitchen appliances. You might just rent, for example.  I have a thirty-something year old Magic Chef gas stove that my husband complains about because he can't get a proper flame from it. I hate it personally because the oven doesn't work right and cleaning it is gross. One of the burners goes out occasionally and I am 50 years old and still light a pilot like I want to duck and cover.

Take my gas oven you fucks! Give me a nice clean new induction chrome MF than makes me feel like a real woman! Why can't the government interfere in my kitchen just this once? 

But look, if you right-wingers want to get misty over the blue flame of freedom, you just go on ahead and follow Catturd's example:

Turn on all the burners.  Don't turn them off. Leave them going as an eternal flame for all the things they took from you. Your guns. Your Bibles, Hot teachers who didn't have temporary hair colors and piercings. Breast milk cheese. Um, Burgers with real meat. Movies where white dudes are the only good guys and are definitely virile and like, getting it. Make a shrine. Put up drapes around your gas stove, which is totally all burners going at once. Rip out that carbon monoxide detector. It's a green new deal fink. Gather the children in to see your spectacle and make them take deep breaths of freedom. 

Now you're really cooking with gas, friends. Look! I'm shedding real tears! You win!

UPDATE: I guess it could be stupider, like if right wing world got riled up over whether the M&Ms were sexy enough, and not obese feminist candies or whatevs.  Or, like, if Dr. Suess got unironically cancelled for wokeness after conservatives got all pompous about how woke was censorship over actually--Dr. Suess. No really. Totally a serious political movement and not a bunch of slackjaws trying to figure out where the cool kids table is.