Trump Wants to Pwn the Internets

NEW: Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey gently let the president know that his "lost" followers are bots https://t.co/8TS85kmBQU

— The Daily Beast (@thedailybeast) April 23, 2019

This story has the feeling of a "made for me" level of fucked-into-place. Am I supposed to believe that one Donald Trump, of the NY Trumps, the Bonny Prince Shady of the Dank-Meme Clan, the Pompatus of the Pepes, the Man who put the hate in 8Chan, the POTUS with the Bloatus, is having a sad because he has less valid follows than Obama? Will the fake news ever cease? But maybe it is true--he is less-followed than his predecessor. Maybe it is because so many people hate to look directly at his posts for fear of going blind?

Maybe it is because he is an exclusive taste that many find too rich for their palate? I could never follow him myself. I would rather view him through Retweets, darkly and derisively. I do not even understand how so many follow him already. Is he not too much, already? So entirely too much?

He is so mad his Russian Bots get removed from the platform, he could eat glass. I feel like we should be able to contribute to a fund to get him to eat his cell phone. This is so old-man yelling at clouds and not understanding internet. It is delicious. I would like his tears served in a chilled glass with a lime twist and a swish of sweet vermouth.