Despite the dark horizon envisioned Sunday evening, there was a momentary market rally on Monday based on, of all things, fake news, possibly furthered in part by a single optimistic Tweet that there would be a pause on the tariff scheme. Despite the various iterations from Trump that yes, the tariffs were going to happen anyway, there was a wonderful rally Tuesday, based on I don't even know what. Wishful thinking?
People still seem stuck on the idea that the tariff thing is a bargaining position, not a structural reorganization based on, as near as I can tell, a near-total misunderstanding about how everything to do with the economy actually works.
But at some dark, terrible point, you have to stare into the tan Shinola'd visage of the aging dumbfuck pictured above who did that to his hair and went out in public, as he has done for decades, and realize the simple truth.
He's really very stupid. He's not taking some deal, even though all manner of countries have been trying to get hold of him. (70? All of them?) He's already got the deal he wants.
They are literally kissing his ass, he says. And I have told you about his relationship with ass-kissing. It's his life support system. He has every eye on him. People are telling him he's wrecking everything--and like a toddler wreaking havoc, he's loving it. And he gets to prove something--he was right, and all the smarty-pants people who said otherwise will find out.
Except he is wrong on every particular about how everything works. The youthful White House Press Secretary has informed us that deep down, whatever people in Washington might say, they KNOW that the tariffs are smart.
Leavitt: "I do just want to point out one thing. Everybody in Washington, whether they want to admit it or not, knows that this president is right when it comes to tariffs and when it comes to trade." pic.twitter.com/u9ZZuFypNg
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) April 8, 2025
Let the horror of the size of that lie wash over you. Of course that's not true. It's not true of Washington, it's not true of Wall Street, it's not true in polling of regular folks. But this is what the White House wants to promote, because there is one person whose word they are going on: Mr. Art of the Deal. Bankrupter of casinos, empresario of Trump Vodka, Dean of Trump University. The tax cheat, the defrauder of charities, the many-times indicted and convicted felon--
You get the idea. For every con artist, there are pigeons. And none shall escape plucking, I guess.
Trump seems to believe, variously, that you can have your tariffs and eat them too, that a thing can be permanent and up for negotiation, that putting on a tariff IS SO paid by the country it's against (still nope), that trade deficits are a kind of swindle, that windmills cause cancer, that raking forests helps prevent fires, that coal is super clean and reliable, that there is a big valve in California where water would run to the sea but if you turn it the right way, it runs to LA because south is downhill from north (roll it around in your mind--I am not making this up, it's pulled directly from what he says) and I think he still believes political asylum has something to do with mental asylums. All these Hannibal Lectors, only they are some kind of Spanish or something. He also doesn't know much geography or....
Useful stuff. You know.
In short, I understand why people want to think there's any coherent plan somewhere behind all of this, but no, I would not bet on it. Also, I suspect that the cheery talk that makes the market jump is possibly manipulation? I would LOVE to know what stock moves people in Trump's orbit have been making.
And he can't hear anyone's pain over the sound of a million lips smooching.
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