Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Hoping to Catch a Draft from an Upward-Failer?


I think the leak that Carly Fiorina was going to be Ted Cruz's Very Big Serious Announcement was not all that surprising--merely kind of weird. After all, Fiorina's endorsement of Cruz was treated as a pretty big "get" and they seemed pretty tight since, even though at one time, Fiorina basically admitted that Ted Cruz would say anything to win. Our mistake was in thinking she meant that as a criticism.

What can one say? Ted Cruz is not likely to be the GOP nominee, which makes this pretense something along the lines of staging a children's tea party with empty cups and teddy bears in some of the seats. (Unless of course, the Trump University trial sinks Donald Trump's candidacy, although this is not Donald Trump's first rodeo, and what the fuck am I talking about--I sort of think his gobs of hubris are preventing him from realizing what his general business shenanigans translate to in terms of how political personae are construed--Caesar's wife, or even Big Dog Bill's, he ain't. Remotely.)

Is it possible that Cruz is allying himself to Fiorina in the hopes of presenting himself as a more woman-friendly candidate than Trump? Is he just pandering to the many California voters in hopes of receiving many California delegates in the last place he can hope to pick up anything like a "many"? Has he lost his shpadoinkle?

It seems too easy to attribute his big announcement as being a news-cycle way to get free press for the moment. That he so happens to have gotten a female running mate just as Donald Trump was being his misogynistic Trumpiest is just gravy--although I have always found Fiorina's way of playing the woman card tooth-suckingly awful. As, indeed, I find all of Fiorina and her works.  And yet, she has parlayed business failures into golden parachutes, and a failed Senate campaign into a faily-er presidential campaign. With the funny old idea that this might parlay itself into being chair of the RNC after Priebus bows out in, I hope for his sake, at least some measure of disgust and regret.

Can anyone blame Ted Cruz for thinking, like a modern-day Ben Franklin, to experiment and prove that her kite of fail was a vehicle for trapping lightning in a bottle? (I kid--he is not, in the parlance, a scientist. As his climate change denial clearly announces. But as a political calculator, maybe he thinks she has some additive value, at least. And is not, as one might suppose, actually a factor of zero.)

But perhaps it is only that in Fiorina, Cruz has found a kindred spirit. At a floundering point in her campaign, Fiorina seized on the Planned Parenthood videos and doubled down on her anti-abortion bona fides, even hijacking some little kids for her benefit. And in the same fashion, Cruz, who has hugged to his breast every anti-LGBT asshat and would-be clinic bomber in his bid for the title of true North Star of the Religious Wrong, has made the same demagogic calculation about various bigoted and misguided laws about transpeople using public restrooms.

I will say this--seldom have I seem two people who deserved each other more. They may fail--but it should be brilliantly. Like the dumpster fire to end all dumpster fires.


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