Sunday, May 25, 2014
Men Who Hate Women
There is something that is real hard-going about watching this video of Elliot Rodgers, who killed six other people besides himself all, apparently, due to his hatred of women. This is a person with delusions of grandeur about his "nice guy", "good catch" qualities, and a palpable hatred of women, that he feels are rejecting him because they are some kind of evil bitches--and not because there is something about him that happens to be be screaming "potential really bad guy".
It's hard to watch, because even if you can write this killer of people off as very obviously not right in his mind, he is saying things that people on YouTube comments, on Reddit, on pretty much any social forum, have basically tried to say--shouldn't women be dead if they don't submit to men? Aren't they there to give their bodies up for sex and reproduction? What other point than their biology do they even have?
So something like this:
When feminists talk about "rape culture", this is pretty much the worst-case scenario guy. He believes he is so entitled to women's bodies that they should die if they don't submit. When the truth of the matter is, this is the very last person any thinking woman would want in her bed, because he specifically does not see her as a person to respect and work with and more germane to all of our concerns--not harm. Men are often stronger than we are physically. We very much do try to shield ourselves from harm. Not all men harm women--this so true that not one of us who has a lover, husband, brother, or father who has been by our side in a crisis needs to be told, but there is also not one of us who does not know a woman who was harmed by a man. We all do. We have all heard stories of friends or sisters or mothers who were brutalized. And many of us have been victims or nearly victims ourselves.We have all the evidence we could ever want of this image of men who just seem to hate women. He is not alone in the world of men who hate women. He even found a community, whilst he was alive, where his hatred of us could be expressed. He could even envision concentration camps of women being starved to death, while a handful were retained for reproduction.
And the reaction of some MRA's or PUA's to his act and the very shocked and I think reasonable dismay of women about this multiple murder?
Because, obviously, it was all these bitches' faults for rejecting a man because if they weren't a pussy with feet, what in the world were they? And there really are some men in the world who don't get the big picture that we are people until they have a wife or daughter of their own, and I guess some never do. And then they might maybe be concerned about what happens to "their women".
When I was about five or six, my dad taught me where to hit a man to make him bleed or incapacitate him. He's an ex-Marine, 6'3", and I think it weighed heavily on him that he had a daughter who might not be able to always defend herself in the world he knew. I understood at a very early age that I might have to defend myself, sometimes, but it wasn't until I hit puberty a little early that I totally understood from what or why. But I learned.
And we all do. There are men you don't want to share a room or an elevator with. That you wouldn't accept a drink or a date from. That touch you even if you flinch away or who make eye contact with you just a little too long. That let you know what they think of you in some physical and subtle way. And Elliot Rodgers didn't know he was one of those guys. The ones whose aspect we just shy away from. The kind of guy who might just, you know. Be thinking about kidnapping us and flaying off our skin, or at the very least, shooting us down like rabbits. He was shot down by women and thought the unifying thing was them being women--not him being him.
Because no, no, no, a hundred times no, we don't think it's all men. No we don't. My father is a an amazing sensitive man who taught me I might even have to kill another human being because I might be raped or beaten at some time in my life. My husband is an amazing thoughtful man who understands why I sometimes flinch when he raises his voice--and knows why I associate anger with pain.
Elliot Rodgers probably gave off every single sign, handsome, rich, smart, beamer, aside, that he was maybe a catch, but then there was this other thing, every woman looks for, and in him, everyone saw. And you know what? He proved every woman who rejected him exactly right. Brava, ladies. He was exactly what you thought, and no one is to blame for not ever thinking this piece of crap was worth the time of day--even if there is anyone out there who thinks he might have been--
And if he was a poor, poor, unfuckable boy before, I'm very sorry, but his killing women because he was so mad pretty much confirms his unfuckability. And very much confirms why we shouldn't feel sorry for him now--had he ever talked to women? Did he know even stuck up blond "bitches" are people? Did he think sorority girls had lives, rights, families, hopes, dreams, and they didn't have any responsibility to include him in them?
What I feel bad for is the world that saw this hate--and never recognized it for the real danger it was because hatred of women is almost normal until he eventually acted on it. I'm not even arsed to call out guns on this one, or how a very damaged-seeming person got hold of same. How in the hell did his misogyny seem normal? How did he snow the cops last month when they did a mental heath check in?
I wonder if hating women is so normalized that his kind of hate was just--a fantasy, nothing to worry about. Do we seriously live in a world where threats against women are so commonplace we don't assume they will be carried out?
Elliot Rodgers' act is heinous enough to make one very introspective--and no, that's not to his credit at all. One wonders just what level of woman-hate makes anyone take notice. How very horrible does it need to be? I think any level should be taken seriously, and that things like Domestic Violence, for example, need to be seen as disqualifying to own guns.
Yeah I know--this guy didn't have a family he abused. But I cringe at the idea that anyone thinks some guy isn't a risk for violence because his only past counts were against his families' women....another terrible sign.