All That and A Bag of Dicks

I'm not sure why Jon Ritzheimer feels like the receipt of bags and boxes of simulated penises instead of throw rugs and vanilla coffee creamer is somehow hateful. Why, in the right hands, dildos are downright friendly and engaging. It is possible that he is disappointed that none of the edible variety of dick received thus far has been "salted dicks", which is considered to be the gold standard of phallic dining, but clearly, from images we have seen of the Malheureux Militia, high blood pressure is undoubtedly a concern and a reduction of sodium is specifically indicated by the medical community.

The senders clearly have their best interests in mind, n'est-ce pas?

Speaking of "best interests", it seems the local community doesn't really think the occupiers of the federal wildlife sanctuary are acting in anyone's best interest. They might be talking freedom, but they are resulting in the opposite of that.

So, if the militia folks are even the least bit curious about how a mess of wags decided that various sex toys was the appropriate way to express their disapproval of what the armed and under-provisioned masses were trying to do, might I suggest that they determined that the general areas of insertion of a dildo coincided with where, anatomically, the popular imagination determined the individual brains of Bundy militants to be? And, following that metaphor, the militants might be being invited to cudgel their brains, so to speak, to see exactly how they have gotten the pulse of this thing all wrong.