Monday, December 14, 2015

Donald Trump is in Five-Star Health--Luxurious!

 
 
The Trump campaign was mighty pleased to be able to produce certification of their candidate's complete and total fitness, from an absence of any cancer diagnoses to a history absent any notorious addictions like alcohol or tobacco. His blood pressure is on target. His prostate is so clean you could eat off it. As far as these things go, his health revelation is almost too specific. Has Trump gone down a pant-size? Should we expect him to be seeing his tailor soon? (It's overdue, dear. I'm just saying.)
 
Some fun might be had with the question of just who is this doctor anyway, who seems to have written or at least, signed off on, a letter that has pretty much the kind of cadence and grandiosity we've come to know and appreciate from the Trump campaign itself. The more madcap thing is that Trump's campaign advertised this certification of the candidate's physical fitness by referencing the father of Dr. Harold Bornstein, who has been deceased the last five years and presumably left practice a decade or more before, since Harold Bornstein has been his actual physician, if the above letter is correct, for decades. If they were relying on Trump's recollection for their announcement, it seems Trump is in perfect health, except for not remembering names very well.
 
 (Except, aren't we told he also has a brilliant memory? And a very high IQ!)
 
Vladimir Putin wrestles tigers. Kim Jong-Il plays a mean game of basketball. Trump is a miracle of health. Why not?

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