Carly Fiorina Could Be the New Mitt Romney

When considering the news that the Koch brothers and other donors were developing an interest in Carly Fiorina, an outsider candidate, I started considering what her appeal was, and then it hit me--she's credibly a little like Mitt Romney, no? He was a businessman with a thin political resume but a remarkable talent for lying, and she's a former business woman with a nearly nonexistent political resume but with a remarkable talent for lying. What the hell? Jeb Bush is like a dead frog with donors trying desperately to run a current though his ass every once in a while to see if he jumps. Fiorina, to give her her due, jumps all by herself. She's not as conspiracy theory-driven as Carson, as clowny as Trump, as nekkidly grifting and holy-rolling as Huckabee and Santorum, and unlike Ted Cruz, people don't want to sock her in the jibs.

She could be going places.

There's the rub--once you start getting taken seriously, why, people might start taking you seriously! I mean, take her business record. Not so great, actually. I think her story goes like this:

Don't cry for me Hewlett Packard,
The truth is I never left you,
although you shoved me
I think you still loved me,
I made increased revenue
if not shareholder value.

And as for my fortune
and as to blame
I never invited them in
even though it might seem
by an objective record of fact
I got paid for crashing
the stock.

But that's illusions,
you should listen to me,
I think I've been more than that,
I'm all I expected I'd be.

There may be reasons why people who worked for her then, or were laid off by her, aren't really in favor of her candidacy.
 
So, maybe there are drawbacks in discussing her business career, but then she was a surrogate to the McCain campaign until they told her to shut up (and that was a campaign that had Sarah Palin) and, well there was the "Demon Sheep" campaign where she didn't pay her staffers, or even the widow of a loyal staffer who died during the campaign--but that is not important. Even though she hasn't worked again as a business manager of any kind, she had her charity work. The kind of charity that isn't really a charity, but gave money to Planned Parenthood, which Carly Fiorina now thinks is the devil because of a fetal snuff video she was sure she saw but had to invent because of course, which is why Cecile Richards has to resign even though she didn't do anything wrong and heads an organization that has done an awful lot for poor women's health--

Which I am not sure Carly Fiorina gives one good goddamn about. Let them eat cancer, right?

All of which is supposed to help the GOP answer to the War on Women claims, got it?

But if she doesn't really have her business acumen, her political skills, her credibility, or her personal story to grab onto voters, I guess she has her warm personality. Not for nothing, I don't want to compare her to a Disney villain, but I sort of think her closet has a full-length Dalmatian fur coat.

And yet, she still looks like a contender for the Best of the Worst.