Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Enjoying My Hobby in your Lobby

It's some kind of crying shame that I haven't addressed the Hobby Lobby case when I am supposed to be a pro-reproductive rights feminist over here. I don't know where my head is at. But when I was buying yarn to crochet a cozy for a diapraghm case, I had a kind of epiphany that really only comes when you've been sniffing the Modge-Podge for a while--

Look. I think we can agree that an employment contract is not a one-way street. It never was meant to be. So, if Hobby Lobby believes it is totally in the right to make decisions regarding the reproductive health and maintenance of it's employees, in other words, making those employees' private business their store business, then it's only fair that the employees should be able to bring their private business right into the public business.

That's right, Hobby Lobby. If you all think you have a right to dictate the methods your employees use for their bedroom or kitchen floor or whatever activities, those employees should feel comfortable enjoying those activities in your store. I don't mean on the clock. Off-the clock, of course, since your company has decided to also be the boss of all off-the-clock funtimes. But let's get this clear--you wanna make the rules?

You should get to make the rules about stuff happening on the premises of your store. Sexy funtimes don't happen in your store. Until you made it about you. Now I think employees should get to use the break room, or even the return desk, to do what they like--because you guys decided their business was your business. So why shouldn't your business be where they can do their business?

Of course--no one would probably want to actually screw in your store. Not because pony beads and potholder looms aren't fucking erotic as hell, but because that is not what your store is for. Your store is for serving your customers, who for the most part don't give a good goddamn what your employees do so long as they don't screw up an order and give them exact change.  Why don't you try and be at least as tolerant as your customers? And recognize that your employees are human beings with bodies, and that the female bodies deserve to be treated by the people who have to live in them--and that isn't you, Hobby Lobby execs.

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