My Rumproast co-bloggers YAFB and marindenver have covered some of the fail in admirable fashion, but where they dip I dare but wade. It's an astonishing parade of high and low profile conservative characters at an event that should be a celebration of the movement, but sure looks an awful lot like ALL THE PROBLEMS of the Republican party in one handy space. That being said, my premise is made, and I can go ahead and just air the brief thoughts I've jotted on scrap paper while on breaks at work through out the last day and a half. In no particular order because I forget what order it was supposed to be in.
RAND PAUL
I think Rand Paul wants a Republican party that is not your father's Republican party, but which might be his father's Republican party. He thinks the party has become stale and moss-covered, and cobwebby, and sits at the end of the bar hoping someone will buy it a drink and it's becoming clear hardly anyone ever does anymore, so what the hell, maybe the GOP should think of undoing a few buttons or get a fetching wig. Also America don't need no Department of Education. Because Thought Control. Also Teachers! Leave those god-fearing gun-toting kids alone!
MARCO RUBIO
Marco Rubio made a really weird statement about the science of global warming vs. embryology that, if anyone else would have said it, knowing my biases, I would be all over, and yet--No. He's a climate denialist and thinks the end word on abortion is that life begins, for the fetus, at conception. Whoops die on my lips, un-big and ill-thought. I do not care about what Rubio has to say because I have come to the conclusion no one loves him for his mind. Also, he said this thing:
"Just because I believe that states should have the right to define marriage in a traditional way does not make me a bigot."Well, no. The causality chain would be more like, you are a bigot, and that is what makes you believe that the states should chose what rights LGBT people should enjoy. But thanks for playing.
MITCH McCONNELL
Exactly zero people are in the running for the 2016 Presidential primaries because we just had an election, and yet Mitch McConnell makes a joke that the 2016 Democratic primaries already look like an episode of the "Golden Girls" because the projected front runners are Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden-because "ha ha!" they are olds! But they are both a little younger than McConnell, so, whevs. He thinks regular unsuccessful votes to defund or repeal Obamacare are not either a negative feedback loop, so stop saying that, aying that, ying that. Mitch McConnell is mostly unhappy no one has to draw him to get into art school anymore.
KELLY AYOTTE
Senator Kelly Ayotte is sure to be a big deal in the senate because she's figured out how to hang with the people (McCain, Graham) who know where the tv cameras are. Best thing I've heard from CPAC about her scary speech is this Tweet:
Kelly Ayotte is the worst Joe Lieberman cover band ever--#cpac Ben Jacobs
DONALD TRUMP
Donald Trump is a rare non-pol who is treated like somebody here because he is a somebody--who has a metric fuckton of money, apparently. He made a really gross assertion with respects to Iraq--that Iraqi oil should pay to cover our invasion. As when Michelle Bachmann said the same, I find this wholly disgusting. Trump is a disgusting, self-promoting gas bag. EOM
WAYNE LAPIERRE
Wayne LaPierre isn't all there, but if he sells guns, the corps won't even care. I think he said something like, if all the owners of guns in the US were put on lists, and the database was hacked by Red China, then the Red Chinese would go expressly to those homes with guns, because they would want to take the guns, that the people bought, to protect their homes from invasions by evil governments, and whatnot. Because two things are totally true--governments want to take your guns, and you need guns to protect you from the governments that want...to...take...
It's not important, really. Buy guns. They are a penis that pees bullets!
MITT ROMNEY
I'm going to outsource (yay--I'm outsourcing in a Romney post!) my thinks about what the Romnitron said to Steve Benen--Romney Sees Jihadists as Possible Superpower (!?!?!?!?!?)
Seriously--any group of Muslim terrorists are going to be a...WTF? I don't even. Obviously jihad is the new Iranian path to the sea. This guy ran for president twice and was even nominated by a major party once. It's all wrong, is what that is.
There is sooooooo much more fail, but I will return to it tomorrow. Because sooooo much more! FAILZORS! LULZ! (And seriously, I will get to my thoughts on the superfail minority outreach after a sleep and some solid food!)
2 comments:
Ya'all deserve combat pay - you actually WATCHED CPAC!
Heh, heh--political blogging! It's not just a job (okay, for me, a hobby), it's an adventure! (In terrible things to do to yourself...)
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