If you use condoms, you will not get raptured.

This is a handy PSA from the Third Eagle of the Apocalypse, William Tapley:



Where to start?

Oh, I know--Onan.

Onan's tribe practiced a specific form of marriage called Levirite marriage, in which a brother married the childless widow and their child is considered the firstborn of his brother. When Onan "pulled out", he was violating the code of his society. First, he was failing in his duty to his brother in not seeing to it that the family line was continued. Second, he was denying the widow her future. It was very hard-hearted of him, and that was the more probable reason for Onan to have been cursed.

It seems like this Biblical episode is being "pulled out" of context just to focus on the gross mechanics of the deed and make a point not intended originally. A metaphorical onanism.