I realize that I blog to an imagined readership--kind of like preaching to an invisible choir. I don't actually have a loyal following to explain myself to, but if there is anyone who checks in regarding things Strangely, here's my explanation of where I was. I was trying to sort out my blogular voice, and negativity.
See, I know my prediliction for the vituperative tone. I have the natural inborn feeling for complaint, for hectoring. I wallow in negativity. I rant about the human failings. I am not a creature prone to uplift. I grouse. I seethe. I rant. And I realized I was going to post things that were really cranky. I blame it being an election year. Politics make me cranky. The GOP has made me abundantly cranky. John McCain is a source of unending grousing, seething, ranting, and complaint.
(For George Bush, I am resigned, in the way a condemned person accepts a sentence or a terminal cancer patient acquieces to a diagnosis--I am so done with ranting about Bush. I will, but OHMYNONEXISTANTGOD--I am tired of it. Will somebody impeach the prick already? Thanks, Dennis, for trying. Um, benefits of impeachment--constitutionally, no pardon allowed. Totally says so in the Constitution. And um, I don't think Bush would pull a Nixon and resign first so... please Madame Pelosi? Put it on the table? Please?)
I wanted to get my mind less negative. I wanted to post good things. Hey, I read books, and I watch movies, and I have a life. I have my pet causes. Surely I could post something really positive. And I waited. And I waited. No--I had nothing I really needed to say. Without the negativity, I felt impotent, uncreative. And then I got it.
Poliblogging is my bete noir. But I also realize, I like it. I kind of need to do it, even if I am ambivalent about it and dubious about the results. My negativity, my complaints, my endless search for reasons why you--my completely imagined constant reader, should eschew the MSM and the GOP and the GOD, and just be...are part and parcel of my bloggy oevre. I need to harangue, and I need to picture a figurative "you" passing my electronic soapbox.
So in other words, I took a break from complaining to figure out that complaining is what I'm here for. Thank you very much. I'll be here until I'm not. You will still find me by accident, probably from a Google search on "Cyma Bags" or "China Mieville". (Dudes, did you know there is like, a whole group of Chinese literature called "scar literature"? You can Wiki it if you want. And Mieville wrote a truly excellent--my favorite of his stuff--novel titled The Scar. And I don't even know they have any connection, but themes of love, betrayal, faith--things like that? So there you go--not negative insight from me. Read Mieville. Look into literature of other cultures, too--it is of great benefit to your learnings...And so forth.)
So brace yourself--what follows may be cranky, but it is sincere. I have found my voice, it is occasionally angry, but I mostly don't lie. I took a little break to see if I'd come back less angry--but I have a thing in mind--or two or three, that are well and truly under my skin.
Let my healing begin-strangely enough.